I remember my friend struggling with one of her kids. She was so frustrated and did not know what to do. As a parent myself I understand that sometimes is very difficult to point out why our children behave certain ways. I mentioned to her that she needs to pay attention to her kiddo, what I mean by this is: is the child always behaving like this or only at certain places? From then on you as the parent can come out with a plan on how to help improve his or her behavior. And whatever you do, do not pay attention to what others say. Concentrate on how to help him or her. Assumptions are not good. Children as they grow they want their independence. My little one always wanted to do everything herself. Even now she still insists that she is right in certain situations. This behavior makes me happy because I can see she is getting in and out of situations. But what about when they start disrupting the class or they continue interrupting when I am talking with another adult. Most kids do this, but when you talk to them and explain they usually understand and follow directions. But what if they do not listen? What if the trouble in school keeps repeating? How can you find out when it is really a problem? When to take action?
When I see my kiddos, I see two little angels, how can this cuties misbehave at school, restaurant, grocery store, or anywhere else. Again, because they are growing up they will try their independence…and this is great but as a parent we need to monitor their behavior because sometimes it changes. If we do not explain to them when they misbehave. Many times, we as parents do not want to see the reality of things. We want to see our kids behaving properly always, but the truth is we always need to encourage a positive and acceptable behavior not just in school but everywhere else. After all, we are their parents. Our job is to guide them for their future and many years from now we would be able see the beautiful, kind, respectful humans that we had guided. We as parents are like their mirror, they will repeat and act how they see us, this includes peers and friends.
I always explain to my kids the importance of school and what to expect from them. I let them know what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors are not. Sometimes I have to really explain because they need to know that for every decision there is a consequence. For me and my husband is very important to continue the same rules at home. If my boy shows good behavior at home he will most likely display that behavior in school. My grandma always gave me this quote: ” Remember, the apple does not fall far from the tree.”
I told my friend to talk to her child’s teacher. It is very important to hear what the teacher says about your child’s behavior. I notice many parents say how can their teacher know the child. Guess what? I have always seen the teachers like a second parent to my kids. They spend most of the day with them. For me, is very important to have a good connection with them. I like to hear what teacher has to say about my children. If there is a problem, the teacher will be able to help me correcting my child’s problem. When my kiddo was in kinder garden the teacher called me and said that he had hit another child. At home my kiddo is an angel. At the park, he always shared. So why would he hit? First, I asked him…he only said that the other kid was bad. I decided to go to the teacher and we came out with a plan. She monitored them during class…nothing happened. At lunch time I decided to go and talk to the teacher one more time. As we were walking in, we saw my son’s classmate kicking him under the table. The teacher decided that she needed to know why this boy was kicking my kiddo. It went on for a few days…it turned out that the boy was stealing my kid’s food and my kid had enough of the kicking. After we solved the problem my boy was very happy and I never heard another complain. They even became best friends. Again parents, good communication with teachers is detrimental.
If their behavior has not change, try to keep records if possible just for a while. This will allow you to find the problem. It has really worked for me. If you find out that there is a pattern, it will be easier to help. Again, I will mention their teacher, they will notice the child’s behavior at school. Maybe the child gets out of control in certain subjects. It could be that the child is getting nervous about certain things in class or lessons. Maybe they have a difficult time learning new material and do not know how to ask for help. It could be that somebody is saying something that gets them sad or angry and they react.
The point is that if you want to figure out how to help them pay special attention to the times that they are acting up. If the child is getting in trouble at school, something might be bothering him or her. Maybe your child feels left out. Maybe math or another subject is giving him anxiety. Maybe is not school, and you need to look in other places outside school. Maybe there are changes at home. I asked my friend to pay attention to his sleeping time. I asked her if he was sleeping thru the night or not. I told her to do what I do: ask them what is their favorite time of their day and their worst. And why? Usually once I know what my child is going thru I am able to help more efficiently. You will be able to come out with ideas and solutions to help.
When to Worry
The point is not to worry, unless the child has no patience and gets angry way too often. Another signal is when the child acts against your authority and does not apologize or has any remorse. Ask the teacher if your child is aggressive with peers and how often he disrupts the class lesson or if the child is not participating. You can see this at home too. Is he getting in trouble always.
Most kids will listen and follow what their parents and teachers ask of them. Children need to feel that you as a parent or teacher are there to help and guide specially when they display their independence and their behavior.
*By the way, my friend found out the problem…her kiddo was having trouble when the teacher was asking him to work a multiplication problem on the board. When he was not able to do it, the kids were teasing at recess. Therefore, the child kept on acting up. Once it was solve, the teacher told her that he was listening and he was happy.